Lessons from 2013 #5: We’re in this together or Trust no Bitch? Both


#5.  We’re In This Together or Trust No Bitch? Both.

There are some really amazing people in the world. And there are some really shitty people. Sometimes they’re one in the same: there are lots and lots of people who are amazing to some folks while being shitty to others. Folks subtly or overtly acting out oppressions! Folks being wasted and mean! Folks with crappy judgement! Folks actively deciding to fuck with you! There is no universalized community from which a truly safe place springs. It’s enough to make you wear Trust No Bitch jewelry sometimes, believe me.

It’s a powerful act of discernment and self-preservation to distinguish between friend and foe, frienemy and dirtbag and in the words of Caitlin Rose, “Keep it movin’.” It’s wonderful to get to remind myself that there are people to catch me when I fall, but Lesson #5 is the reality check: not everyone is willing and interested, or feels the need to do right by someone else, especially if it means not getting to do or have something they want.

The crucial logic of Lesson #5 is that it’s “easy” to dismiss rightwing haters but more uncomfortable when these are also folks who are community minded. Not everyone is an ally, friend, comrade, or on your team. It sucks more and is harder to see this when it comes from folks you thought might be an ally, friend, or on your team, but see this enough and you will value the FUCK out of people you do trust all the more. Yet, all these people, including the right-wing and including ourselves, are humans trying to navigate desires and survive, no matter how misguided the tactics. Whether fucked up things are random or purposeful, from the state or our “friends” or family, people are also part of the problems.

All people. Each of us will take our turn doing something fucked up to someone else, that’s human nature — but when it happens to you, that doesn’t make it something you need to be a doormat about. Shiny sweet hand-holding is a visionary future that we co-create in small doses, which makes it extra-special. This is one of the more hard-learned lessons I have from 2013 because I like to be a Pollyanna and make friends with everyone. This is not in fact possible or advisable.

The revolution starts at home? Sure, but politics, ethics, sex, violence, trauma, friendship, and home can mix badly. Trust No Bitch is one part of the reality of the present, and remember: You Can Handle The Truth. You have been warned by this year. Byeeeee 2013!

* The Christmas title of this is: Yes Virginia, there is a dark side.